Ok. I'm staying

So I've found a flat. Well actually it's a room. A small one. For a ton of money. But that's the U.K. for ya.

I'm staying in Brighton. I wasn't sure for a while. I had a melt down yesterday morning- it came from boredom and frustration. Not knowing anyone is boring.
But then last night I went to a knitting group, which was good for my heart, and I met up with my one friend Benji and had some beer.
I am so keen to get out of this hostel. I'm so sick of hostels. I really need a good night sleep and I need to wake up without seeing a stranger scratching their bum and zipping/ unzipping their bag while the 16 year old school group that are occupying all the rooms surrounding mine scream and laugh and bang on doors. I just need a clean washroom, laundry machine, and my own room. Not too much to ask for.

So here's the truth. I'm finding all of this very difficult, but I'm starting to understand why I'm doing it. I went a while where I didn't understand what I was attempting to do. I was asking myself a lot "Why aren't I in London or Paris" other than the fact that I can't afford it. I think I would move there if I had someone to move with... but while I'm on my own it's different. I has something to do with figuring myself out. It's basic needs~ friendship, my own space, a job... things I have always just HAD which now are things that I am desperate for. I guess that's probably good for me. Or WILL be good for me.

I dunno. Part of me just wants to come home. But I wont give up!

Nope. Not yet, anyways.